A-Rod Apologizes for His Incessant Apologizing

The New York Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez — or “A-Rod” — confessed this week to using steroids during his 2003 season. Rodriguez was awarded the American League MVP for that season, in which he hit a — at the time — career-high 47 homeruns and batted .298.

At a press conference — called just days after Sports Illustrated reporter Selena Roberts, came forth with news of 3 sources who alleged that Rodriguez had used banned substances in 2003 — Rodriguez apologized for lying in previous claims he’d made and confessed to using poor judgment previously in his career.

“I was young, I was stupid.” Rodriguez said.

As the Major League Baseball commissioner mulls over whether a penalty is warranted for Rodriguez’s actions, fans of baseball and news readers everywhere are becoming increasingly irritated with Rodriguez’s apologies.

When news of public’s annoyance reached the slugger, he immediately scheduled another press conference where he apologized for his incessant apologies.

“I’m sorry for making separate apologies to everyone involved,” Rodriguez said. “I should have covered all the bases by saying them all in at once. I was stupid.”

Immediately after these remarks, one reporter spoke up and pointed out that Rodriguez had once again apologized –  thus sending him into a vicious loop. The reporter when onto point out that this was a loop of which an escape was only possible by separating Rodriguez from the microphone and returning him to the field where he would resume playing the game that he is paid hundreds of millions of dollars to play.

As Rodriguez slunked out of the rear exit, reporters stood puzzled in the uncomfortable silence.

A-Rod Stuck In A Vicious Loop

Advertisement